Sunshine

Belated as always. 🙂

Dear A,

This year has had your mama stretched across the spectrum of human emotions watching you navigate life.

You were the one who taught me a heart expands infinitely.

You have bloomed this year. You always managed to wind around and up in life, but during this season of being 8 years old– you seem to have found solid ground to stand tall on. Even when I was worried you were wilting– those were just almost moments of growing pains and discarding the things that didn’t fit. I love that you’ve found things that matter in life: passion to pursue your interests, varied and plentiful friendships, how you learn, and a little backbone to defend your boundaries. I don’t know how it all unfolded, baby girl, but you are starting this year off in such a good place.

You keep on with your cousins through Minecraft and Video Chat. You made a good circle of third grade friends between dance and recess. Which lets me breathe a little deeper these days because I know I dropped the ball there, but you picked it up and ran with it. You, albeit dramatically, find courage to suck up things you really don’t want to do because they need to be done or they fulfill a responsibility. Often you find a way to make this hardship a joy in life. Other times you have to muster up the will– after a good, solid melt down over things like chores, errands, and scratchy recital outfits. You more often than not choose the right, good thing in the compromise of life. Then live to fight again another day to have things be more on your terms.

You, in 1st grade, found yourself catapulted into a trajectory none of us were ready for with the pandemic. You had just got your footing in the foundations of reading, writing, and speech. We trudged on and we never stopped life– but there were gaps. This first year of learning how to be together again– in a school merge no less– the gaps were glaring. We trudged on more. And, darling, the gains this year are incredible. You learning had traction. Even in the middle of other challenges– mostly classmates behaviors you run out of patience for– and harsh words from a girl. Its a lot to navigate in a school day where we have everything we need– never mind one where we’re picking up pieces constantly, understaffed, tired, and struggling to just make a copy. Yet, you followed where your teacher led and grew in the winding way you do around the things that blocked your way. You adapt and, darling, that ability to be loose, rather than ridged, in such a wide way will serve you well in life. You can see the big picture and all the ways there are to find your way there. You don’t march down trying to stay on one path to one particular end.

You are kind and thoughtful– leaving gifts for your teachers and friends. You take care of others. You have a sneaky streak that worries me and you don’t always listen to directions and you get a little wild– but those edged that cut across my authority and sting me are also the things that might serve you in the life you build. We try to cultivate them into tools instead of extinguish the things in you that are inconvenient for me. We’re still working of some of it, but often that’s the work of your life. I know you must be able to harness self control since you behave at school, but I worry you’ll give us a run for our money in your teen years in ways your older sisters haven’t. We have time though.

I hope you keep dancing. You are fearless on that stage– whether it feels that way or not. You have a good community there. You have talent and joy there. It’s worth fighting through doubt to have in your life. You work hard at this thing that brings you enjoyment. I hope you keep dancing and the fire lit inside.

I love you more than all the sequins and feathers on your recital outfit. You bring the sunshine, A. You are needed in the world.

Love,

Mom