Words Waiting
Gosh, being human is a complicated thing. M’s Dad hasn’t been able to parent for a long time. He is stuck– as he sometimes is– in cycles of addiction. Thus, his life is hard and messy and I assume he’s been only surviving for a long time. He has let lots of the sweet moments…
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Steps
We are in the middle of a thing. Again. When Match and I got together, I knew I would need someone who was able to handle my really difficult Ex who sometimes could be dangerous, but also was my child’s Dad. I knew my Ex would disrupt life again and again. Yet, Despite it all,…
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Protector of Love and Women
When you are trying to do one right thing at a time, it is important to stitch together things grounded in truth and not just emotion. Here are the facts as I understand them: Match’s Ex is traveling for work the first week of September overseas to France to a conference. H would have traveled…
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Let your worry floe
This weekend, the one I’ve loved the longest, in the middle of the normal business of an average blended weekend here, looked up from her canvas at the kitchen table and asked, “Who do you worry about the most anyway, Mom?” I worry for the world most days, but always a little harder and longer…
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Golden Circles
There are things in life we just don’t get right. Life is heartbreaking in all the ways it can fall apart. Yet, even the worst times eventually fade to something else. Grief is still grief. Pain is still pain. Shame is still shame. Yet, inevitably time passes and joy sneaks back in. Always. Sometimes, because…
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Wishbone
It’s a wishbone. That very human piece that has us reaching for things that aren’t ours. It is that cloud of bitter, sad, stinging grief where you wish yourself better, but haven’t been able to reach those stars yet. Despite how hard you’ve tried.
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Lobster Traps
This first week of August is a funny one. It is the week we closed on this home we own. The place that let me give my kids a back yard and a neighborhood and a school we really loved. A little small some days and often more messy than I care for, but no…
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Boxes
Father’s Day. Well, fuck. For some of us its a complicated day. It shouldn’t be. It should be simple. Kids just should have as much love as they need. Even if it means that the role of father is filled by several people. My oldest has a Dad. He gave her life. Without him we…
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Without faith there will be no peace.
I don’t know if we’ll ever have peace. But I know H was made for her life.
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Yesterday, we went to church. The pandemic has impacted us all in so many ways as we weigh public health with all the other things that make life sustainable. For people of faith, the loss of weekly mass in person and together created a hole to be filled. Churches found many different and innovative ways…
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My Ex called me yesterday. I did not pick up at first. I finished what I was doing. This is a behavior I taught myself as I learned the idea of boundaries. That this person, who inevitably brings a whirlwind into my life, doesn’t get my time or energy until I say so. He called…
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Gift, too.
M’s Dad is in the waves of his second divorce. As the first wife and M’s mother, I don’t know details, but they trickle my way. Moved out to a hotel. Gambling. Restraining order. Broken down car. Rooming house. I could have made my role grand inquisitor, but M is twelve. My job is to…
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Sunday Palms and Pauses
I have been thinking a lot about death. It is Holy Week here. Palm Sunday. I suppose that seems reasonable when death is taking many in the world. And in a week comes Easter which is all about the tangle of death, crucifixion, and life reaffirmed. I used to be afraid of death. In a…
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PB & J
“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate.” Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert Yesterday, I sat down with this idea for a blog post to work through my past weekend. I wanted to talk about places…
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August 6th
When I fell into my divorce, one unsure stumble at a time, I used a lot of momentum from other people to propel myself faithfully forward. Their clarity and my one bone-chilling thought of never giving our daughter a beginning in life. Somehow those things were all I needed to light the way. I had…
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Waited for You, Girl…
Life changed. Again. Just like it always does and always will. Change, to me, always seems to come with having to do hard, but ultimately wonderful things. Three weeks ago, we were blessed with another child. Our second daughter together. Each of us already blessed with seven year old girls from our previous relationship. Together,…
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Love, Mom 